end of april

To day is the last day of April 2006.

Four months have passed this year each month passing faster than the month before.

April is a transition month it’s a time of year when preparations are made for the summer to come. The air begins to warm, trees expel their green pollen and dawn a new covering of almost transient levees of green yellow and red. The dogwoods and azaleas bloom, flowers show their faces and birds sing. This morning I found a tiny bird egg shell and held it in my hand wondering what type of bird the chick that hatched from this egg would become. It is a month of new beginnings.

But this month already very busy just by being April was made even busier by responsibility. My responsibility to family has been almost overwhelming.. I am in a profession where compassion and nurturing is expected. Well I’m not an overly nurturing kind of person. I like my space and my freedom. When I begin to feel backed in a corner by “responsibility” I get resentful. I do not like being in the “tween” generation. That place where children, ageing parents and ones own desires pull in different directions I long to walk my personal path but that path is so hard to find. Its times like this I long for that golden age of 50 when I will be free. My youngest will be college and I will be in a small cabin on the side of a hill overlooking Buffalo mountain. In the morning I will watch wisps of mist as they form on the open pastures and then are taken away by the gentle morning breeze. In the evening I will watch the insects and listen to the still air as I relax on the porch as the sun sinks behind the mountains. Ah but this is only a dream (for now) today the grass needs cutting, laundry needs to be done, dogs need to be walked and mom needs to be helped.